Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
It was an interesting morning at my house today. Harper slept in a little longer than usual and woke up in a really good mood. When I went in to get her, she was talking to Lola (her glow worm) and when she saw me, she pointed at her diaper and said please. This is a big deal because she usually thinks morning diaper changes are a big waste of time and throws a fit. Everything was going great. She brushed her teeth. She brushed Lola's teeth. She got dressed. She let me comb her hair. Then came the shoes. My daughter is 18 months old and already has an unnatural love of shoes. She talks about shoes all the time and regularly takes her shoes out of her dresser and plays with them. She has one particular pair of tennis shoes that I have designated as her school shoes. She wears them to baby school every day and gets them covered in red playground dirt everyday. But it's ok, because they are her school shoes. Today, Harper wanted to wear her new pink crocks (which are way to big for her anyway) instead of her schools shoes. You would have thought that the world was ending. There was crying and shoe throwing and rolling on the ground. It was bad. And then it was over just as quickly as it began. I don't think I currently have the necessary skills to effectively deal with this new phase of life. But, I better get on it because these little outbursts are becoming more and more frequent. My general plan is to ignore it, which is pretty easy to do at home. But what do you do when you're in a public place? Any suggestions?
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6 comments:
When you're in public, still ignore it. Give her a few minutes to get it out, watching her sideways, but tending to your business. Yes, you will get weird looks..but most good parents will give you a knowing glance and think to themselves "ahh I remember those days". If she gets over it on her own, GREAT! Give lots of positive re-enforcement for that. If the tantrum goes on for a while, you may have to pull what I call "The Maneuver". Pick them up off the ground kicking and screaming, and hold them so that they're body is parallel to the ground and haul them out to the car. All very calmly of course. (I have used The Maneuver on Torin many times.)You may have to pick up that trip where you left off a little later, but she will quickly learn that tantrums don't work. So a few painful episodes saves you A LOT of battles later on. If they get their way, well then you have kids that whine and cry and throw at fit at every turn because it always worked before. You just can't worry about what people think.
-Erin Hull
Good advice from Erin. The biggest thing is to remain calm. Act like whatever she's doing doesn't bother you in the least and keep your happy voice when you talk to her. My middle daughter, Sarah, had meltdowns all the time from when she was 8 months through second grade. When she was a toddler, she'd ask where Daddy was and I would say, "at work" and she would cry and kick and scream for an hour or longer because she didn't want daddy to be at work! We didn't give in to her tantrums -- heck, most of the time we couldn't if we wanted to because I either didn't know why she was crying or it was over someting I had no control over anyway. In school, she would get upset and cry and have to go out to the hallway until she could pull herself together. Luckily, she always had understanding teachers. I, unfortunately, had a hard time staying calm. I would do OK at first and the after an hour of it or the 10th one of the day, I would lose it. It was awful! I think she was an extreme case though, my other two kids weren't like that. Thank God (literally -- Thank you God!) that she is a normal kid today and is quite lovely and charming!
Oh boy, welcome to life with a daughter who has a mind of her own!! I agree with the other two posts, but I would add, when out in public, do not let the stares of others disuade you from ignoring her. They will look at you like you are a terrible parent. Just smile and act as if nothing is going on.
Rebecca used to throw these tantrums. She was having one at home one time, on the floor kicking and screaming. I was sitting next to her making sure she didn't hurt herself and all of a sudden she fell asleep!
I have no parental advice, obviously. More importantly, however, I am so proud of Harper for loving shoes. She's got her priorities in order.
I think you know by now that your daughter is going to be very girly; the signs are already quite obvious. I know it's wishful thinking, but I'd like to think I've had a little something to do with this. :-)
So when can I take her shopping?
No parenting advice here either, but your post did remind me of something I saw the other day: A (very distinguished) looking grandpa was walking, obviously proud of his grandson walking beside him. As I passed them, I noticed the little boy was wearing glittery, purple high-heeled plastic shoes.
I almost burst into tears for that little boy whose grandpa was so crazy about him that he was willing to walk down the street, hand-in-hand with him.
Melanie I have seen boys in heels lately too! I love Harper, this stage will pass and it will be hard to remember what all the tantrums looked like! Miss you guys and I can't wait to see you.
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